Wartime weddings in ChechnyaBy Ruslan Isayev
War has brought many changes in the lives of Chechens, one of which is the scattering of people, many of who have moved to nearby republics or even other countries. And yet, during these hard times, the nation has managed to preserve its traditional customs and unwritten laws, known as Adat.
Such as weddings, which Chechens have always regarded as a time of great festivity. It is one of the few customs that has undergone no changes over the centuries. The only difference today is in the age of the grooms - they are so much younger. In peaceful times men, usually married in their late twenties, whereas now their age is 20.
It is a well-known fact, confirmed by many human rights defenders in Chechnya, that about 200,000 civilians died or vanished during the past two wars. And as is always the case, warfare primarily claims the lives of men. Although the situation in Chechnya is more or less returning to normal now, people still face the specter of death on nearly a daily basis.
A country caught up in such turbulent events develops an instinct for self-preservation. Thus, fearing for the fate of their children, parents try to marry them off as soon as possible.
Wedding preparations
Wedding preparations once lasted one or two years; but under today’s harsh circumstances, this has been scaled back to one or two months.
As in days gone by, the intended bride and groom, in the presence of witnesses, agree upon a wedding date that can only be on either Wednesdays or weekends. Until then, however, under no circumstances will the couple be allowed to meet or be alone together.
Once the preparation phase has ended, the young woman confirms her consent by giving her betroth something personal, such as her ring, watch, or scarf. From then on, she is his fiancée and no other man may propose to her.
On the wedding day, friends and relatives go to the bride’s home where both sets of parents negotiate the amount of the dowry, or kalyma. This can be from five to ten thousand rubles, but it is the village elders who ultimately determine the exact figure.
After the parents have satisfactorily arranged everything, one of the bride’s friends leads her from the house toward another friend or the groom’s closest relative. The best man pays the bridesmaid $100, then takes the bride’s hand, escorts her to the car, and seats her, as required, on the right-hand side. Now the wedding procession formally begins.
Weddings cost money
There is a long established tradition that the road upon which the wedding party travels must be blocked by people demanding payment for the journey. Another tradition is that shots are fired into the air as the wedding cars drive by.
Russian soldiers in Chechnya quickly learned some of these traditions. For example, the distance between the western part of the Ingushetian town of Nazran to the Prigorodny village is about 90 km; so they block the road at each checkpoint (there are nine of them), aware that cars can pass only after making a payment of around 300 to 500 rubles. They don’t consider this a bribe, stating they’re only adhering to tradition.
In keeping to another custom, they shoot their sub-machine and machine guns into the air. The road becomes blocked with them, the Chechen police and the local populace. So this 90 km trip can end up costing more than 7,000 rubles.
After the bride arrives at her bridegroom’s house, she is taken to a part of the building set aside for women; and she’s not allowed to sit down throughout the entire day. Men are in a separate room where the food is set out and where they somehow manage to imbibe alcohol, being very careful to conceal this from their parents.
The wedding lasts three days, with national dances performed in the evenings. During the entire time the groom cannot appear in front of his parents or family elders, and the bride cannot initiate a conversation with the groom’s relatives and friends.
Yet there is a small ritual that enables her to talk to the men, who may ask her to bring them water and then ask permission to drink it, all of which is accompanied with much good humor. The bride usually pretends reluctance, so the men must ask several times until she finally gives her approval by saying, “drink to your health.”
After downing the water, the men give the bride money. There is no fixed amount so each donates as much as he can, anywhere from 500 to 2,000 rubles, $100 or more.
The Woman – Patron of hearth and home
After the wedding, as well as throughout her marital life, a wife is not allowed to address her in-laws by name. Nor can she ever raise her voice to them, knowing this would lead to instant divorce, which can be done very easily. Once a man says aloud, in the presence of two witnesses, “You are no longer my wife”, the couple is officially divorced.
As a rule, Chechnya has had very few divorces; women do their best not to give their husbands any reason for doing so, despite the fact that they often lead very hard lives. Chechen families have strong bonds. The woman is called tse nana, which is Chechen for “patron of the hearth.”
It must also be remembered that no self-respecting man would ever interfere with the running of the house. The woman is master in her home. She raises the children, teaches boys how to be brave and manly, and the girls to protect their honor and be hardworking. With that, she earns the respect of her husband’s family throughout her entire life.
(P/E,T) |
